Today you need to edit your story.
1) Spellings (use a dictionary, a device or a grown up to help you)
2) Check your punctuation (commas after adverbials, correct punctuation around parenthesis, capital letters, full stops at the end of a sentence etc.)
3) Adverbials (Have you included lots of different adverbials? You could use the TRaMP mat linked to help you.)
4) Vocabulary (Have you use 'gloomy' too many times? Is there a better word for 'large'?)
5) Features (parenthesis, paragraphs, relative clauses, expanded noun phrases etc).
6) Does it actually create suspense? Read it to somebody in your house, does it keep them on edge?
If you want to, you could publish your learning and even tweet it to use at @hiwjstaffs !